Thinking while blogging, people can’t be defined

In thinking of all the ways I classify myself, I also think of how I choose to reveal only certain aspects of who I feel I am to different people. I believe I try to read the person I’m talking to in search of how much they can handle. And then there are situations or places where I put on a certain persona to everyone I see there. The reasons vary from wanting to fit in, ideciding if it’s socially acceptable in the particular environment, sharing my personal life on a need to know basis etc. Even though I may have 15 personas (just a random guess), I like to think that I am not lying to anybody about who I am.

It is all me. Every one of my masks if you will is non-judgemental, compassionate, caring, sensitive, unconfident and spiritual.

People really can’t be defined according to groups they identify with. People are very complex (as we well know). Can we ever really completely know a person? Do we even really completely know ourselves? I think we hope to keep learning ourselves and I know that we are constantly changing according to our experiences and thoughts.

If you like a person, do you like them because of their personal qualities?

non-judgemental, compassionate, caring, sensitive, unconfident and spiritual

Or because of the groups they identify with?

Mother

Wife

Teacher

Christian

Dog Lover

Butterfly collector

Angel Believer

Has danced on a bar table

Donates to many charities

Book lover

Music lover

Has been unfaithful

Is bisexual

Afraid of mice

Likes to Crochet

Likes to Cross-stitch

What if you share 10 of the 15 groups with this friend but then suddenly find out that there are another 5 that you don’t identify with or feel are wrong?

Do you still like this person or does it change your opinion?

For every person, there would be a different answer to this question so I’m not really posing these questions. In fact I really don’t know what my point is…lol…I guess I’m just thinking out loud.

Sorry Sybil showed up at my blog!

Hey guys,

This blog is just to thank all of you who took the time and thought to respond to my 2 panicky blogs from the weekend. I am a very emotional person with huge ups and downs and I show those feelings the most right here in my blogs. Your comments were heartfelt and made me happy to know that you all cared and didn’t just run away when you saw Sybil had taken over my blog for the moment. Although I am joking, it does indeed sometimes feel like there is another crazy person living within me… I don’t have multiple personalities though, I’m just manic depressive. And once I’ve spewed all the hate, fear and frustration, I usually feel better.

Luckily this was the case by Saturday night. I had red chapped skin under my eyes from crying, but 5 hours of marathon Christmas shopping and 2 hours of marathon gift wrapping…and I felt much better.

Things are better at home, not cured- but better. Things are also going good at school this week. My son is very sick with a fever and virus but I know he’ll be on the mend soon. For now, Gwen is back! Life is good…

Bless you all for caring about me

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2007 in Review

1) Where did you begin 2007?
My house…in bed…we never celebrate the New Year

2) What was your status by Valentine’s Day?
Status was the same as it is now

3) Were you in school (anytime this year)?
Tooo much

4) How did you earn your money?
Working at school

5) Did you have to go to the hospital?
Only for testing

6) Did you have any encounters with the police?
Nope

7) What will you remember the most? That it was my daughter’s first year in middle school and how hard of a year it has been with Kevin

8 ) What did you purchase that was over $1000?
nothing I don’t think

9) Did you know anybody who got married?
No

10) Did you know anybody who passed away?
No

11) Did you know anyone who had a baby?
Yes, my friend Kristen

12) Did you move anywhere?
No but definitely have thought about it

13) Did you have sex?
ummm…yea…

14) What concerts/shows did you go to?
Only the ones at my kids’ schools

15) Are you registered to vote?
yes

16) Who did you want to win Big Brother?
I bounced around on that

17) Where do you live now?
NY

18) Describe your birthday?
Went to work, came home, ordered pizza and opened presents from my parents and husband

19) What’s one thing you thought you’d never do but did in 2007?
hmmmm….I think all of that stuff happened in 2006..

20) What has been your favorite moment?
When my husband and I were in Lake Placid and happy

21) What’s something you learned about yourself?
geesh I feel horrible, I think I’m at a stand still learning about myself…and I think it’s because I’m going in circles and only happy for a small portion of each circle

22) Any new additions to your family?
a second cousin I’ve only seen a pic of

23) What was your best month?
November..

24) What music will you remember 2007 by?
Bubbly, Big Girls Don’t Cry

25) Who has been your best drinking buddy?
Didn’t drink much but when I did, CB & SATC cousin were there!

26) Made new friends?
Sure.

27) New best friend?
Nope.

28) Favorite Night out?
Hmm… er… June 1st!

29) Do you think 2008 will be better or worse?
Life is so good – today and tomorrow

Thoughts of a tired mom and teacher…

Saturdays are traditionally blog till you drop days for me! What can I say? blogging is my passion, hobby and addiction! So even on days when I may not know exactly what to write about, I will be here blabbering. This is the case today. I’m feeling like my life is probably pretty boring for others to read but blogs are for personal enjoyment and heck! I like to write and talk to myself about my life. Sometimes I’m my own best listener and it’s not until the words come typed or written from mind to computer screen or paper, that I realize what is going on inside of Gwen.

Today I’m thinking about dance, blogs, jobs and kids.

Yesterday on my other blog that I’ve had for almost 3 years I believe, I posted one video of my daughter’s dress rehearsal last night. There is this one elderly blogger that I know considers myself his friend but he usually has something negative to say when he stops by and also seems to get angry at me when I talk about my depression or negativity in any way. I try not to give it a second thought and dismiss it as “old people syndrome”. No offense, but a lot of elderly people are very chronically cranky and like to spread the misery. I learned this through my many years of retail, waitressing and just through life in general. But since I’m the type of gal who lets EVERYTHING get to her, it does bother me. Oh well! Anyways, yesterday he made a negative comment about my 11 year old daughter’s ballet clip, that they weren’t graceful! I mean come on, isn’t this a little like duhhhh!!! Ya don’t put down peoples’ kids. I mean I wasn’t signing her up for the NYC ballet. I was just showing a clip of her Christmas’ play dress rehearsal!

Next topic, I’m still thinking about the whole job/career question. Most of my blog friends’ responses have been the standard “You’re a good teacher. Give yourself more credit. Think of all the lives you touch.” To be honest with you, these responses make me feel worse and I know that is not your intention at all. I’m not really sure why this reaction either. Maybe it’s because I’m looking for the permission to give up on myself as being an effective teacher. Maybe it’s because I think you all can’t really possibly know that I’m a good teacher from my blogs. I do consider myself a good blogger LOLOL but not a good teacher. I mean I have a heart of gold, would give the shirt off my back to one of my students  and think of many of them like I would my own children- but that’s not an effective teacher. That’s a 1% piece of a big 100% puzzle.

Our friend Stu had lots of ideas similar to ones I’ve had in the past that I’m still not sure are real possible but I thank her for the thought she put into it and it is those ideas that have encouraged me to keep thinking, dreaming, exploring the possibilities of a life in which Gwen would be happier.

More thoughts- I want to be a bum all day since we have the recital tonight from about 5:45 to 9:30 door to door of our house when I can cuddle up with my dogs again and spend weekends the way they were meant to be enjoyed! But I look above me and see dirty ceiling fans, I look to the corner and see cobwebs, straight ahead their is dust and I know that this is only one room of our 9 room home! Yuck!

I guess that last paragraph sucked all my writing inspiration out of me because I’m empty for now. I’ll be back though. Threat or promise, however you look at it! :0)

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