Snowy New Year!

<p><a href=http://www.glitter-mess.com><img src=http://dl7.glitter-graphics.net/pub/858/858047f6wxxvzw2p.gif width=400 height=374 border=0></a><br><a href=http://www.glitter-works.org target=_blank>glitter-graphics.com</a><br>We got about 10 inches of snow yesterday and it’s snowing to beat he!! right now! We could get up to another foot. <br><br>I’m feeling much better about myself and life in general today. We took the four wheel drive out to breakfast and went to pick up Riss from my husband’s Dad’s house. At 3ish we’re going over to my sis’ to have a steak dinner and play Sing Star on the Play Station. I’m looking forward to that. My parents and grandparents are having turkey dinner in Florida. <br><br>So tomorrow is back to school! Got to get up early! I have to force myself to try to go to bed at a reasonable hour. This long break has been one of weird sleeping hours for me.<br><br>The only things I really need to do before school tomorrow are take care of some clean clothes and go over my lesson plans and pack my school bag. That shouldn’t take long. I have to have my mentor observe me either this week or next. I’m not looking forward to it but I’ll be glad when it’s over. </p>

My first post of 2008

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Now on to my blog! LOL

I really didn’t think I’d be up even till midnight, let alone 1 a.m. ,but here I am. And I feel like I need to get a bunch of words out of my head so that maybe I can rest and more importantly ,feel better tomorrow, so as not to ruin another perfectly good day.

Yup Negative Nelly or My Sybil side or whatever the biatches name is that controls my nasty side came out again today. I had a perfect opportunity to have a good day and yet I let things get in the way.

I woke up feeling really down. After I brought Riss to a friends, my boy asked me to go somewhere and I’m glad I took his advice. The happy part of my New Year’s Eve was the four hours he and I spent in the mall spending my gift certificate and watching Alvin and The Chipmunks at the theatre! We both really had a good time. He wanted to sit up front which I normally never do. It was so great, he and I laughing together.

When we got home it started for me. I started feeling kinda tired and slightly irritated and then I tried on my new shirts from “Some un-named popular store” and 3 of the 5 didn’t fit. That sent me on a self-hate tirade that is just starting to subside as I type. The problem being that these shirts were XL! That’s the biggest size. I love them and I’m too fat to wear them! That sucks!And even though I know for a fact that they run small because I buy my 11 yr. old daughter either a medium or a large for room to grow (we dont like tight clothes)~ I still couldn’t help the tears from flowing and I couldn’t stop the anger that was building to form a thick ball in my throat which felt like there was fire below, ready to turn lose on anything that came near me. I wanted to hibernate for the night, be alone, sulk, hate myself. But when my husband said he wanted to take me and Kev to dinner, I thought that was a much more positive way to deal with the situation. Except on the way to dinner, the tears kept flowing no matter how much I tried to stop them. At dinner I felt like I was in mourning, luckily it was only a diner- not fine dining. I know how stupid it is to sulk about something like this, but I just couldn’t snap out of it. It was snowballing to make me feel negative and unhappy about all the things that have bothered me over the past weeks.

We came home and I was still in a fog, literally, felt like I was moving in slow mo as I went through the normal motions of laundry, dishes and tidying up. My husband played Wii with Kevy for a bit and we watched Men In Black 2 (well Kev thought I was watching but I was really spacing out). I was relieved when Kev asked me to record the ball because he was going to bed. My husband and I were finally alone and all was silent, too silent. I forced him into listening to the racing thoughts that were speeding through my mind making the tears well up in pockets under my eyes, and he said…nothing. I waited and still nothing. Then I couldn’t resist saying “you have nothing to say to your wife who just spilled her guts to you?” and he said “You said you just wanted me to listen.” Duh! What else can I say to that! He really is from Jupiter! (boys are Stupider!)

Anyways, I’m starting to feel a lil better having got this out! I’ve got to remember to enjoy every moment, live one day at a time for the happiness I can find in it and continue moving forward! Even if the movement is slow, forward is the only way to go. There is no going back and staying still isn’t possible or I’d still be holding my babies as infants! Gosh I miss that smell and feel of a baby in my arms, rocking and singing lullabies!

New Year’s Eve

Sometimes I envy people with big plans for this evening. I see all these people dressed up with sparkling jewelry on, looking forward to a night of friends and a big, loving New Year’s kiss at midnight.

The only time I ever went out for New Year’s Eve was 8 years ago while pregnant for Kevin. So I obviously didn’t drink but I did dress up pretty and it was pretty fun. It was when my Mom and Dad owned a bar. I’m thankful that they don’t own a bar anymore though, but I do miss having them in town. I know they are much happier in Florida though.

Anyways, most of the time I remember that parties and bars aren’t my style. I do like to go out for a Girl’s Night once in a while but going to a bar with my husband who doesn’t dance and makes me feel like I have to act a certain way, takes all the fun out of it anyway. With my sis and my girl friends, I can just be me. I feel they love and embrace the real me who lets her hair down about once a year! lol

So today I will need to go to the grocery store to figure out dinner and some possible snacks or desserts for tonight and tonight I’m sure I’ll watch t.v., watch the ball drop, think too much and eventually fall asleep. If things are real fun, maybe I’ll play the Wii with the kids or maybe my husband will play a card game with me or something.

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2007 in Review

1) Where did you begin 2007?
My house…in bed…we never celebrate the New Year

2) What was your status by Valentine’s Day?
Status was the same as it is now

3) Were you in school (anytime this year)?
Tooo much

4) How did you earn your money?
Working at school

5) Did you have to go to the hospital?
Only for testing

6) Did you have any encounters with the police?
Nope

7) What will you remember the most? That it was my daughter’s first year in middle school and how hard of a year it has been with Kevin

8 ) What did you purchase that was over $1000?
nothing I don’t think

9) Did you know anybody who got married?
No

10) Did you know anybody who passed away?
No

11) Did you know anyone who had a baby?
Yes, my friend Kristen

12) Did you move anywhere?
No but definitely have thought about it

13) Did you have sex?
ummm…yea…

14) What concerts/shows did you go to?
Only the ones at my kids’ schools

15) Are you registered to vote?
yes

16) Who did you want to win Big Brother?
I bounced around on that

17) Where do you live now?
NY

18) Describe your birthday?
Went to work, came home, ordered pizza and opened presents from my parents and husband

19) What’s one thing you thought you’d never do but did in 2007?
hmmmm….I think all of that stuff happened in 2006..

20) What has been your favorite moment?
When my husband and I were in Lake Placid and happy

21) What’s something you learned about yourself?
geesh I feel horrible, I think I’m at a stand still learning about myself…and I think it’s because I’m going in circles and only happy for a small portion of each circle

22) Any new additions to your family?
a second cousin I’ve only seen a pic of

23) What was your best month?
November..

24) What music will you remember 2007 by?
Bubbly, Big Girls Don’t Cry

25) Who has been your best drinking buddy?
Didn’t drink much but when I did, CB & SATC cousin were there!

26) Made new friends?
Sure.

27) New best friend?
Nope.

28) Favorite Night out?
Hmm… er… June 1st!

29) Do you think 2008 will be better or worse?
Life is so good – today and tomorrow