if only the rain meant that the flowers were close behind

We have had sooo much rain this Winter. It’s another dreary, wet day. If only it meant that Spring was just around the corner! That would be awesome! But for a NY Winter we still have two more months with good possibilities of snow.

All that being said, the rain has not got me down today. The clouds are smiling at me and the rain isn’t made of tears. I had an awesome sleep last night and my day has been sweet. I was dreading meeting with my Mentor about the observation she did of me last week, because I’m always thinking the worst of myself.  But I couldn’t have been more wrong. She comes across as the “perfect teacher” and many new teachers are intimidated by her, but she had great things to say about me. I know many of you are going to say “I told you so” because you are all so kind and always say that you just “know” I’m a good teacher. For me though, I am always surprised to hear it. No matter how many people say it, I never get used to it. I always feel like “they’re going to find me out” and realize that I’ve been fooling people into thinking I was a good teacher all along.

So I thanked her so much and then I was mentioning what a cool feeling it was to be standing in the very building where I learned to speak Spanish from 9th to 12th grade. Unlike many Spanish teachers, I have no relatives who speak the language nor have I studied abroad.  I am truly a “product” of the school where I now teach and send my children (with of course my college studies). So she came up with a great idea and said I should be a guest speaker at the next Spanish Honor Society Meeting in March. She wants me to tell my story to inspire others. I’ll be very nervous but I’m excited about it as well. I’m going to have to think of a basic speech about what I’d like to say to them.

Ironic

Well another work day has come and gone. I slept rather good last night but am feeling rather blah today.

This morning I found out something pretty ironic. A while ago I wrote about how I felt my purpose at least at work for this year was being revealed to me. I wrote of one girl who had been picked on and bullied and who had also lost her sister in a car accident last year. This girl is the one who gave me a candle for Christmas. I never knew her last name until today when it came up in conversation. When I heard it, I couldn’t believe my ears. Her sister who was killed in a car accident was a student of mine from four years ago at another area school. I blogged about it last year when it happened and I really felt bad over it. I knew her not only through school but she also danced with the same dance company as my daughter. I can’t help but think that maybe this girl and I were supposed to meet.

Not again!

Last year at this time, every part of my life was a mess!

My marriage had fallen apart and we were just hanging on by a worn out thread, my job gave me anxiety attacks and needless to say my depression wasn’t even close to be controlled.

Just when I thought it was safe to come out (of my depressive shell) and work on making me a better ME, everything feels like it’s crashing down on me. “Feels like” is the operative word here.  Work as you know has been horrible. Today I dealt with bullying, parents and students that feel it’s ok to yell across the room to other students while I am teaching! I talked to a couple of my co-workers that I’m comfy with today before my break. It wasn’t planned but it just came out. They both had supportive things to say, which is certainly more than I can say about my husband.  Two pieces of advice that I took from them today are: 1. I made the first step to have a meeting between myself, one of the worst problematic students and the guidance counselor.     2. I’m going to a Bullying conference on Friday. Not only will it get me out of the negative environment to do something new and fresh but I will hopefully also learn a thing or two about dealing with bullies. Heck maybe I’ll even learn to stand up for myself because I’m sure those being bullied will be taught this skill (I would think).

So I come home on my break feeling sick to my stomach. I called my husband because I noticed Kev had forgotten the goodies to bring to the office staff. Normally I wouldn’t have called him since we went to  bed on bad terms last night. He came home at 10 p.m. and I wanted to talk to him about the crap on my mind that you all know more about than he does! But when I started, he reverted to the old husband. He’s all like “Well it’s a good job and I already told you to do what you want. You don’t have to like what you do!” What??? Who is he to say?? He’s the one with the job where he has no benefits, sick time or any chance of future promotions!! But why??? Because he loves it!!! This is the husband that I left and wanted to divorce until he changed his evil ways. He seemed o.k. today though and after the discussion about the goodies he said “How has your day been so far?” I answered “Not good but don’t worry about it.” I mean I know he doesn’t want to hear me complain! But yet he asks!! So I begin to tell him what had conspired in the morning. I didn’t even get to the part about talking to some of my colleagues. I guess he got irritated when I said “It feels like everything is closing in on me.” He yelled back angrily “Oh come on!! Stop that, you’re being ridiculous!” So I did what most wives in my position would do—I said “OK sorry I talked to you about it AGAIN” and I hung up!!

So that is where I’m at now. The school day is over Thank God and even though I have to work at home both with family chores and school chores, I was originally looking forward to spending time with my husband tonight since he works ridiculous hours! But now, like the old Gwen, I want nothing to do with him. What the hell do I have a husband for if he won’t even listen to my worries and concerns without making me feel like dirt?

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TGIF

Thank God tonight is over!! Whew!!

I was ultra prepared for dress rehearsal after school.  I went to three different stores during my school break just to get the right size pink tights (the final piece for costumes needed). I had a plan. Riss packed all her costume and shoes. I packed a snack, coloring books and crayons for Kev and figured we would leave at 3:30 when he got off the bus and grab an early dinner on the way since I hadn’t had lunch and the kids are always hungry after school.

3:25 and the phone rings. It’s Kev’s teacher and we had a long talk that lasted until Kev got off the bus. But since he had a substitute bus driver, it was 3:45 and we didn’t have time to get eats! Also I had no gas but we didn’t have time to stop. We were 5 mins. late as it was.

Well we couldn’t really color because it was dark but he was rather patient…at least for the first couple of hours. Then he was hungry and bored and he didn’t like the music. I was starving too and by 6:30 when we left the church where the recital is held, I was just as grumpy as Kev.

So a trip to the gas station (I’ll have to go again tomorrow cuz I only had $10 to spare on me) and through a drive thru and home I came. Then Pauly did something absolutely unbelievable! He’s my 1 yr. old pug for those of you who don’t know my fur babies. I was sitting here on my bed with my laptop, about to write a blog and check emails and he jumps up. Very nomal. Then I see him lift his leg and pee all over Kev’s backpack that was on my bed and my bed of course!!! WTF??? Are you kidding me?? Did he really just do that???

So had to change the covers and throw a load in the wash and Gwen is Grumpy! Thank God it’s Friday night. Tomorrow night will be just the same as it is dance recital night, but I have the rest of the night and all day tomorrow to lounge in my jammies. It’s sooo darn cold out!

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Must have been the jammies!

We haven’t got the big storm they were predicting but none the less…SNOW DAY TODAY! These are perk 2 for the teaching career at least here in snow country!

In the little bit of snow we did get, the kids begged since 7 a.m. to go outside and pull eachother around on the sleds LOL. Kev has also been riding his 4 wheeler around the yard.

And I’m certainly enjoying the day so far! All weekend I had trouble sleeping but today I slept in late and it felt gooood! Now I’m doing something I never do, watching some talk shows!

I’d dare say that THIS is a good Monday! LOL

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